This weekend was quite possibly the most confusing, heart-conflicting, frustrating, and hurtful weekends I’ve had in a very long time. A chapter of my life that I thought would never end, did. And I was confused. More than confused, I was angry. I was angry at God.
Why would God give me a promise He never intended to keep?
I think of Jonah in this time. While reading a devotional from She Reads Truth, I began the think about a moment in Jonah’s life I’d never thought of before. In the belly of a fish, quite possibly the darkest and smelliest place he’d ever been in, Jonah cried out to God (Jonah 2:2).
Well, I can’t say I would have done the same. I would have been pretty angry at God. Quite frankly, I was angry at God. Why would He give me a promise He didn’t intend to keep? What was the purpose of this? Why am I in the belly of a smelly fish? Why a fish? Couldn’t I have rode a dolphin or something?
So, in my anger, I had it out with God. I cried out to God. I mostly just cried. And when I was done with my yelling and crying and hyperventilating, He still my heart and said:
Trust my methods.
I’ve been raised to believe that God is not a liar. But with this chapter of my life coming to a close so close to the closing of many other chapters of my life, I felt neglected, unwanted, deceived.
In this moment, and many moments to come, I know that He hears my cries. He doesn’t delight in my tears or panic attacks. But, He does want me to trust Him.
Though I’m still in this stinky fish, I know that He hears me. He sees me. He hasn’t forgotten about me or His promises to me. He’s not a liar. He loves me too much to deceive me. He hears my cries.
He hears yours, too. He is faithful to do EVERYTHING He promised He would. It’s okay to be angry for a moment. But, realize that He has you in the palm of His hand and He knows what He’s doing.