Life turned out different than I expected. I should be married. I should be traveling the world with said husband leading worship while he preaches the gospel to thousands of youth and young adults. I should be financially stable. I shouldn’t have to be living from paycheck to paycheck, pinching pennies and maxing out credit cards to make sure that my rent is paid. I should be set, should have it made in the shade with my beachfront house in SoCal or acres and acres of land in NorCal (still haven’t decided on that dream yet).
Except none of my dreams have become a reality yet. Okay, so graduating from ORU was definitely a dream that I managed to accomplish but all the other ones I’m still waiting on. (And let the record be known that I am not waiting for a man to start my ministry. Ladies, you don’t need to have a husband to do what God has led you to do. It is okay to want one. But do not feel as though you are inadequate because you’re single. But that’s another post for another day.)
Life just generally sucks. It has its moments of rainbows and butterflies. But to be completely honest, for me it’s been mostly rain clouds and thunderstorms. And though I love the rain, I kind of miss seeing the sun.
I often wonder what it must have been like for Sarah. In Genesis, it says that both Abraham and Sarah were “very old” when God promised her that she would have a son (Genesis 18:11). Very old in the bible could mean anything! We aren’t exactly sure how old Sarah was. But Sarah didn’t give birth to Isaac until chapter 21 of Genesis! God promised her a son in chapter 18.
I wish there were some sort of documentation of Sarah’s thoughts during those years. I wish there were diaries or blog posts of what was running through her mind. Her beginning posts might have been like:
God, You’re so faithful. I trust that You will do exactly what You promised that You would.
And closer to the end it might have been like:
God, You’re still faithful. And I trust that You will do exactly what You promised that You would do. But like, I’m 90 now so when is this going down again? Can you affirm me again Lord? Can you remind me again? Send that angel one more time and I promise I won’t laugh. I need the faith to trust that You are who You say You are. Because if not, Lord, I’m moving on.
3 chapters later, it reads “The Lord kept his word and did for Sarah exactly what he had promised. She became pregnant, and she gave birth to a son for Abraham in his old age. This happened at just the time God had said it would.” (Genesis 21:1-2 NLT)
I wonder how many times we get close to moving on from our dreams and it is about to happen “at just the time God had said it would.” I’m only on chapter 22 of my many more years of life. And every day I am tempted to just move on. The little voice in my head tries to tell me that God lied or that I misheard Him and that I should just move on with my life. And as easy as it may be to move on, I would much rather struggle through my valley and my thunderstorms and see God through.
So yeah, I guess you can say I’m moving on. Still moving through my valley 7 months after graduating. Still moving in God’s direction. Still trusting that even though the clouds are dark, the sun will shine again.