In the month of January, I embarked on my final semester of college. The thought still puts a pit in my stomach. ORU had been a huge part of my life for 4 years. Leaving — graduating — was a big jump in the right direction. However, I felt like I was missing something. More on that later.
I announced my first (and hopefully not last) women’s conference for my senior project. The Worthy Conference was something that happened by chance. It definitely was not something that I planned on doing from the jump. God just placed it in my heart, gave me who I should do it with (thank you Courtney), and made it happen. It was honestly the biggest and scariest commitment I’d made to date. To dedicate my time and efforts into ensuring that even one young woman would come to know God as their King and understand that she was His princess was tough. But, knowing that God would be there every step of the way made the announcement that much easier.
I also went through an unexpected yet needed breakup. I respect our current friendship too much to go into detail. However, I will say that it rocked my world a bit. It’s amazing how you could be so sure of something and then, suddenly, it ends. It’s amazing how God causes every single thing in our lives to work together for our good. At the time, I had to deny my hurt and frustration because I’d just started a very important aspect of my life. I didn’t have time to feel. When I finally had time for these suppressed feelings (more on that later), I realized that, no I did not want it to end but he and I both needed it very much. But, again, more on that later.
I SAW RENT LIVE! I absolutely LOVE musicals. So getting to see one of my top 3 favorite musicals of all time live was the best!
The stress of The Worthy Conference deepened as well. From having trouble finding a venue, to stress about attendees, to worship set lists, to having a sound guy, everything seemed to be a problem that we did not perceive coming. On top of that, the enemy had the audacity to plant ideas in Courtney and my heads about whether we were really called to do it. HOW DARE HE!? But, nevertheless, we overcame. With the encouragement of friends and reminders from the Lord, we were ready.
April was a huge month for me! The Worthy Conference began on April 2nd at 10 AM. A day that was supposed to be super stressful is not remembered as being stressful. I’m sure it really was. However, looking back on it now, I do not remember the stress. I remember the amount of support I had from my friends. I remember the looks on the faces of all those in attendance. I remember the Q&A app working flawlessly. I remember having a moment of “Holy Crap What Am I Doing Up Here.” I remember leaving and being in denial that everything actually just happened. I remember thanking God for such an amazing experience. I still do.
My 22nd birthday was on the 8th. So there’s that. Nothing but acknowledgment here. Just a reminder to everyone that I’m not a vampire ✌🏾
I graduated from college on the 30th. Pause for effect. Yep, that definitely happened. It’s still is a bit surreal. There were a lot of tears, lots of sleepless nights, lots of papers, and too many group projects. Graduating from ORU feels something like leaving your friends after an extensive vacation. You probably got tired of them after a while. You may have even hated those friends for a moment. But, now that it’s over, you miss it. Not too much to go back but just enough to remember the fondness of being there. That’s how it feels after graduating. I developed some lifelong friends at ORU. Thankfully, I live with two of them now. I have so many amazing memories that I cannot wait to tell my grandchildren one day.
Remember that breakup I had in February? Remember when I said I refused to feel? Well, those all came back in the form of the worst anxiety attacks and depression I’d had since I was 17. I was facing a case of the “Now What” syndrome. We’ve all had it. You do something grand like graduating college and then you say, “Okay, now what?” Well, my anxiety had reached an all-time high in May. Mainly because I’d been on the high of April that, when it all ended, May made it come crashing down. However, I was determined to not be defined by my anxiety. I was determined to remember who I am and whose I am. So, I started writing again. Guys, writing is my therapy. There’s just something about it that I can’t put into words (how ironic). Nevertheless, May started this dark cloud over me that I was in a rush to get out from under.
I started adulting. I signed the lease to my apartment in June. I signed a legal document binding myself to a living space for an entire year. The most adult decision to date, I think…
July – September
This is where it gets cloudy. That rain cloud in May just got bigger and bigger. My anxiety continued to get worse and worse. I didn’t reach out to anyone because I was embarrassed (still embarrassed to talk about it sometimes). I didn’t know what else to do. To whom do you turn when you’re at your lowest? Jesus is the obvious answer. But Jesus took too long I felt like. (I can’t be the only one who has felt like this) So I gave God an ultimatum. Gideon did it, so can I, right? I told God if he can show Himself in 10 days, I will never doubt him again (lol). All the while, I would listen to podcasts and worship music only. I would watch sermons day and night. And guess who showed up? (If you guessed God, you get a gold star! ⭐️)
A new member was added to my household. Luna (Bear) Sanchez came into my life. She’s my roommate’s dog legally but I still love her like she’s mine. She is a sweet, monstrous, diva of a dog and I love her SO much.
I also lost my childhood pet, Sir Rexington III. I’m currently sitting on my couch at home and, man, it’s hard writing about him. The loss of a pet is like the loss of a family member. I miss him SO much. He was the exact opposite of Luna. But I’m SO glad Luna was in my life when Rexi passed.
I also attended the best concert of my life!! Johnnyswim was amazing in Dallas! If you haven’t heard of them, do yourself a favor.
I was approached by My Trending Stories to be one of their many featured writers. It took me a while to accept their invitation because I honestly felt unequipped. However, best decision I’ve made so far. To be able to reach more people for the glory of God is an amazing opportunity. I’m forever grateful for the opportunity and so glad I said yes!
We are here. The end is nigh. And let’s just all agree that 2016 kinda sucked. I was unhappy, anxiety-ridden, depressed, confused, and lost at some times. But looking back, it didn’t suck too bad. It’s easy to miss the good when you focus on the bad, right?
So now what? The anxiety and depression are still battles I face. I’m still living with my roommates and the most adorable and annoying dog ever. I have a decent job with some amazing people. I have all my limbs and some of my sanity. And overall, my God still sits on His throne and is taking care of everything.
I pray that everyone had a great 2016. Yes, it sucked sometimes, but you made it. We made it. Let’s make 2017 even better!